The following text, written by Marzieh Vafamehr was published in support “Campaign for Peace and Freedom”. Marzieh Vafamehr is an Iranian independent filmmaker and actress living in Tehran. She is married to the film director and screenwriter Nasser Taghvai. Marzieh Vafamehr was arrested on 29 June 2011, reportedly due to her acting in Granaz Moussavi’s 2009 Iranian-Australian film My Tehran for Sale that is critical of her native Iran. She was released on 24 October 2011, after posting unspecified bail.
“Peace, Peace, Until Freedom ”
Every morning of every day with my life sucked out of me by my tightly clenched wrists, I would shout, “War, war, until victory.” My restless being was swarming with nervousness and anxiety from the endless humiliation and intolerance inflicted at home, in the streets, on television. Like the angry state education officials who spewed hatred with their lies and hypocrisy, I would broadcast my rage and fume like a loud-mouthed trumpet from the four corners of the schoolyard into the dark sky.
For a few hours the bloody imprint of 4 nails that had dug deep into my palms and the blood that zigzagged into the creases made me forget my dry throat and thirsty mouth. My jaw was locked through the night, into sleep, but not into deep dreams, rather into nightmares resonating into the dark room, with such intense grinding of my teeth that I would awaken with a scorched mouth and tears in my eyes. Waking up every morning “to drink dawn’s black milk”(1) was a torment.
Dressed in grey I would again walk into the cold darkness back to that damn yard and once more possessed with screams, I would wake the neighbors with my slogan yelling, “War, war until victory.” I was like a rooster summoning the day’s awakening, a possible awakening, maybe someday a conscious awakening.
Now that I am a distressed soul in endless pain, my daily effort is to practice being a child, not the imposed childhood of the past but one that is chosen. I navigate the city heights with its long windows, no longer with clenched fists, but with open palms expanding into wings. From the depths of my heart I am so full of love. With honor I bellow to my enamored heart, “Peace, Peace, until freedom.”
1. Reference to a poem by Paul Celan
Translated by LalehSR